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Pain and growth 2007-8-19 12:15:56 | 痛苦与成长
回首往事，我觉得最痛苦的经历似乎给了我最大的启迪。比方说母亲的去世让我更加深切地体会到大自然的美好。每经历一次大的痛苦，我在寻常事物中发现愉悦的能力（观赏花儿开放，叶儿变红，鸟儿沐浴）就增加一分。死亡使生命格外珍贵;挫折使成功更加完满；失败使下一次成就更有意义。
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周日的早上我在电脑前录下了这篇小文章，是为一个坚强的女孩而录的，她的名字叫学慧，是和我一样生活在这座海滨城市的女孩。这些天我一直被她的经历所感动。我在换位思考着，如果我经历你那样的痛苦，我还能如你一样坚强的活在这个世界上吗？一路走来你和你的父母一样是多么的不容易。痛苦让我们成长，痛苦更是一种人生。痛苦中我们更要懂得苦中作乐，这是我想对你说的。愿你以后的人生越来越精彩！
学慧的blog
希望有更多的朋友能给她更多的帮助，始终觉得帮助人是一件很快乐的事情。
附录音全文：
Looking back over my life, it seems to me that I have learned the most when I felt the greatest pain. My mother`s death, for example, made me more profoundly aware of the beauty in nature. My capacity for finding joy in the most ordinary events (watching a flower open, leaves turning red, a bird taking a bath) seems to deepen each time I live through sorrow. Death makes life more precious, failure makes the next accomplishment more meaningful.
In order to feel deeply it is necessary to feel everything. It is impossible to choose. You can`t really know how great is your sense of joy at a baby`s birth or your satisfaction at succeeding at a hard job unless you are deeply aware of the anguish of separation and the pain of failure. It`s through the capacity to feel that we discover ourselves and others and explore the potential for full, significant life.
This is an especially crucial issue for parents. Our natural inclination is to try to protect children from pain. We have the mistake notion that if a child is happy we are doing a good job; if a child is sad we are failing as parents. But giving children the message that happy is good and sad is terrible decreases their capacity to explore the full range of human experiences.
Children need to understand that suffering, frustration and failure are not only inevitable but helpful. The parent who took a simple puzzle away from a four year old ---- because “he gets too upset and frustrated when he can`t get it right immediately,” ----did the child a great disservice. Children need to experience such feelings as they grow up; it helps them to develop the patience persistence and ability to cope that they`ll need when a scientific experiment fails, or a low grade is received after diligent study. There is nothing so terrible about failing and feeling pain; what hurts in the long run is not trying because of the fear of pain.
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